Amanda Bynes opens up about her fall


"I'm really embarrassed and ashamed of the things I've said," Bynes told Paper magazine. "I can not go back in time but if I could, I would.I'm sorry for whoever I've hurt and who I've lied to because it really devours me.It makes me feel so awful and sick to my stomach It's definitely not Twitter's fault – it's my fault. "

The former child star, who came to fame in the 1990s at shows such as Nickelodeon's "All That" and "The Amanda Show," said she has been sober for four years and is currently enrolled in the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising.

In 2014, Bynes was sentenced to three years on probation in an agreement that settled a drunken driving fee. As part of the agreement, she was also required to attend an alcohol education course and pay a fine.

She continued to make headlines that year by a series of shocking tweets that included false accusations of abuse against her father.

"Everyone is different, obviously, but for me, mixing marijuana and any other drugs and sometimes drinking really messed up my brain," Bynes explained. "It really made me a completely different person.I really am a good person.I would never feel, say or do any of the things I did and told people that I hurt on Twitter."

Related: Amanda Bynes' bipolar diagnosis becomes bleak

She said the combination of marijuana use and a change in her agenda contributed to her spiral.

"I just had no purpose in life. I was working all my life and [now] I was not doing anything, "continued Bynes. I had a lot of time in my hands and I "woke up and baked" and literally got stoned all day … [I] I was just stuck at home, getting stoned, watching TV and tweeting … I've never done heroin or methamphetamine or anything like that, but certain things that you think are harmless, they can actually affect you in a more damaging way. "

At the same time, after a psychological assessment and hospitalization, Bynes tweeted – and subsequently ruled out – that she had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. In the interview, she said she does not have a mental illness.

"It's definitely not fun when people diagnose you with what they think you are," Bynes said. "It has always been very uncomfortable for me.If you deny anything and tell them what it really is, they do not believe you.Really for me, [my behavior] was induced by drugs, and whenever I left [drugs]I was always back to normal. I know my behavior was so strange that people were just trying to figure out what was wrong. "

Bynes said he hopes to launch a clothing line and eventually return to acting. She also hopes that her experience will serve as a cautionary tale to others.

"Be very, very careful, because you can lose everything and ruin your whole life like I did," she said.


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