Saturday , October 23 2021

Masturbating to the point of impotence



[ad_1]

Levent Yilmaz unlocks the door of his apartment. "I've never been here," he says as he walks into the one-bedroom apartment. He masturbates, he says. Yilmaz says this with a mixture of shyness and pride, narrowing his eyes a little. The room is still echoing. So far, the furniture only consists of a sofa and a desk. The 25-year-old, trimmed bearded and broad-shouldered, stands on the parquet floor of his new start.

Here on the sixth floor of a gray apartment block, nothing is to remind you of the swamp of the last five years. A month ago, Levent Yilmaz, who actually meant different, but did not want to reveal his real name in the paper, moved there. The room is 35 square meters. He opens the wide windows and walks out onto the washed concrete slabs of the porch. The view is gigantic, you can see over the roofs of the half of the city. Even as a boy, he wanted to live here, says Yilmaz.

For some pornos are pleasurable pleasures, for Levent Yilmaz they are dangerous. He describes himself as "heavily porno-phobic," now "rehabbing." The addiction to pornography means that he loses control of when, where, and for how long he masturbates to make sex videos. Just a year ago he did it 25 to 30 times a week. He tried to have sex with real women, he had no erection. He kept going away, also from his friends. Last year he decided to leave the old apartment. Everything there, he connected with pornography. From the balcony of the new apartment, he points out the curved gables of the old buildings to his old neighborhood, in front of the railroad tracks. The rails now mark the transition to self-imposed abstinence.

In Switzerland, about 6% of men are addicted to pornography: a young man on the computer. Symbolic Image: Getty Images

According to market research firm Similarweb, two of the ten most used sites are two pornographic sites, even before Wikipedia.

The Munich sex therapist, Heike Melzer, says that 90 percent of German men regularly see pornography, in women it is about 30 percent. If you ask the men of Yilmaz's age, most people say that they open platforms like Pornhub and Brazzers two to five times a week to masturbate. No video, it seems, almost anyone under thirty. Pornographic scenes have replaced the imagination in many.

By the time Yilmaz realizes that his consumption of pornography is compulsive, it took almost five years. He has worked for the German Armed Forces just over a year. He is a soldier and soon wants to start his career as a sergeant. He finds the hardness and discipline in the good federation. He posted a picture on the Instagram showing him smiling in uniform in front of a tank from Leopard II. In the other he hugs his face to a kitten with closed eyes. Addicted to pornography, "because you imagine a 35-year-old who lives at home in the basement with his mother and never had a girlfriend," he says.

Videos with huge breasts and penises make the affected person not excite enough reality.

Many 35-year-olds would have to live with their mother in the basement: a Swedish study shows that 5.5% of men are dependent on pornography. In Switzerland, it is estimated that about 6% of pornography addicts are about 300,000 men. The videos with the exaggerated hardness, the huge breasts and penises meant that the affected ones no longer excited the reality. Like Levent Yilmaz, with real sexual intimacy, they can not maintain their erection or even get any "erectile dysfunction," sex therapists say about the common symptom of pornography addiction.

Levent Yilmaz chooses a busy cafe in the center to talk about his addiction. His voice is loud and rough. He grew up without a father, he says. The man with whom his mother the father left the family after nine months. His stepfather beat him first and then his mother as well. Then she moved with Yilmaz back to her birthplace. There he moves to the first apartment he has chosen for himself.

At age eleven, Yilmaz saw his first video. When playing online games of chance, a teammate with whom he talked often would have sent a link to him. A lesbian porn with Briana Banks. Yilmaz shakes the ice cubes in his peach glass. He smiles as if he's surprised by still knowing it 14 years later. As a teenager, Banks became her favorite actress. The first time he has sex with 13. This is early, but not the exception.

"I felt like a failure."Levent Yilmaz

His mother, aunt, grandmother, are all strong women whom Yilmaz admires. In Pornhub videos, women are almost just "willing sexual servants," says Yilmaz.

After completing high school at age 16, he wanted to learn and do something about himself. But it was kept small in both training companies. In constructor learning, he was treated as "the idiot." Always sweep the construction site, get coffee, pretzels. If he complained to his family about his boss, it was said that he was very lazy. "I felt like a failure," says Yilmaz, turning the smartphone in his hands.

He talks about frustration, insecurity and envy of other guys who have had better jobs. In his early twenties he met Julia in a pub. She made him feel "somebody," he says, interested in him. Yilmaz fell in love. When he tried to approach her, she ducked. He told her that he had fallen in love, but she rejected him, she just wanted friendship. "That was the last straw," says Yilmaz. From then on, she sat more and more often in front of sex videos.

He used to read science fiction books and had a large circle of friends.

He wants to escape now, wants to lock his old life. The next day, Levent Yilmaz is back to his old apartment, which he has to finish cleaning. It is an old unrenovated brick building, restrooms in the hallway. A chill breeze blows a dark gray powder over the empty laminate.

After Julia's kidnapping, Yilmaz hid here, did not want to find any of his friends. The table with the two screens was in the living room – three clicks to Pornohub. Pornography confidently conveyed what he was looking for: distraction and joy. He hated the cold and crowded rooms of the apartment. Most of what is stacked under the bed and in the closets are remnants of your aunt or mother. When they left the apartment for Yilmaz, they did not find it necessary to dispose of their things.

With the hammer, it disassembles the white built-in cabinets made of wooden planks. The move to the new apartment is for him the most important step against the addiction, right after the "detoxification", ie after the withdrawal. He used to read science fiction books and had a large circle of friends. He did not care. The addiction swallowed up all his energy.

Man and woman during sex, that was not enough.

For lack of unity, sexual therapists have an explanation. When watching pornography, the brain emits the motivating messenger dopamine. He also works when one is praised for his work or receives praise. Both were rare in Yilmaz. With porn there was high-dose dopamine at the touch of a button. The body gets used to it. What does not hit is unattractive.

It becomes indifferent. The videos that Yilmaz was looking for became more difficult. Man and woman during sex, that was not enough, says Yilmaz. Four men penetrating a woman, ejaculating on her face; Porn actresses who are so tied up "that they can not move any muscle fibers from the body." Scenes of "violence until blood runs" and raped, where the actresses were beaten.

For four hours at a time, Yilmaz sat a few times in front of the PC. He speaks of moments of total ecstasy. "So I found myself sweating and wearing my pants in front of my PC." I found it again? He says that because he could not control it anymore.

At the beginning of 20, he realizes that something is wrong with him.

At that time, he knows nothing about the so-called Coolidge effect. Above all, it ensures that each new partner causes a greater increase in dopamine than a reliable partner. Thus nature ensures that men have the desire to move forward, to spread their genes and less innate. The reward center in the brain can not distinguish between real women and actresses in pornography. Yilmaz clicks video for video, ignoring the prelude most of the time.

He is now dragging white parts of the kitchen down the creaking stairs into the hallway. "It's like therapy for me," he says. In the new apartment, nothing should remind him of the swamp of pornography and laziness. Shape of garbage bag he manages his old life out.

At the beginning of 20, he realizes that something is wrong with him. He invited a woman to his house, wanted to sleep with her. But that did not work. Shortly after the prelude, his cock became limp. Later in the night, he even got an orgasm for the hard-sex shots and passively kneeling actresses.

But where does pleasure stop and where does addiction begin?

For the sex therapist Heike Melzer, the sign of a "development of tolerance." Similar to drug addicts, the body wants more, requires an "increase in dose." Melzer has been involved with the topic of pornography and sex addiction for over ten years. Demand is great. Again and again, men of all ages report to Melzer, who can no longer get rid of pornography. They are students, parents, pastors, teachers, bankers, employees. Like alcohol and drugs, addiction to pornography can hit anyone. What has changed? Customers are younger, more extreme preferences. Already with teenagers, a routine consumption of pornography usually sets in, says Melzer. Many students have the first smartphone at ten years of age. In the playground, the links are sent from one side to another. "Sometimes, before kissing a girl for the first time, boys have a huge sexual experience across the screen," says Melzer.

At age 24 Yilmaz arrives to pause. While surfing, he came across a confessional video of a well-known American actor on Youtube. Pornography addiction is a serious disease, he explains. Yilmaz looks for articles, reads posts from interested parties in forums. In his descriptions, he meets again. Where his addiction began once, he unmasks it: on the Internet.

But where does pleasure stop and where does addiction begin? "Not everyone who likes to have a glass of wine at night becomes an alcoholic. That's the way it is with pornography," says Heike Melzer. "With the difference that it is not known that they can also make you sick." In general, however: "Every addict always wants to stay away from bad feelings." The reasons for a disability usually come from childhood and are subconsciously anchored. It's about deep feelings like shame, guilt, anger or lack of protection.

Yilmaz yearns for his former self.

In January 2018, Yilmaz joined the NoFap community on Facebook. In the group are men who do not want to masturbate more in pornography. They write about their erectile problems and could hardly focus on work or study. Greed for pornography made her life bland. The German group has 450 members. In the porn-addiction.com forum, change over 3000 men.

Levent Yilmaz knows nothing about the fact that WHO has recognized obsessive-compulsive sexual disorders and therefore also pornography as a disease in 2018 and plans to include it in the new international catalog of diagnoses ICD-11 this year. Before an addiction is officially recognized as a disease, those affected are not entitled to therapy, and hardly any therapist like Heike Melzer can be trained in the treatment of pornography addicts. But if pornography can make you dependent, why are there no warnings like gambling and cigarettes?

Yilmaz yearns for his former self. He wants Levent back, he says, that his friends described as funny, outgoing, and spontaneous. Whoever did a lot of sports, was always curious. He has not yet sought a therapist, hopes his willingness and encouraging comments in the forum will help him. Other members recommend Detox for at least 90 days.

Sometimes he could do it without pornography for three days. Then came the relapse.

Heike Melzer also starts treatment for those with withdrawal. The reward center in the brain must be restarted. Must learn to respond appropriately to natural stimuli again. For many men, this is not enough to combat addiction permanently. The subconscious trigger must be found and your self-esteem rebuilt into therapy. Only a few addicts are so strong at stopping overnight, Melzer says. Some of his patients would have to stay dry for a living to get rid of addiction, so abstain completely from pornography.

Turning off the computer is difficult for Yilmaz. Sometimes he could do it without pornography for three days. Then came the relapse. In October 2018, he arrived on the 19th. A weekend trip on the Reeperbahn with the Bundeswehr comrades broke his record, he masturbated in the hotel room at night for pornography.

Today he is on the 29th. As proof, Yilmaz keeps his cell phone on the table. You can see a blue app. The so-called non-fap clock. He only installed it to tell the days and times when he survives pornography and does not masturbate. It presents the large number in the middle of the screen, as others, the number of miles of training in preparation for a marathon.

(Tamedia Publishers)

Created on: 05/18/2019, 17:25 clock

[ad_2]
Source link