OPINION: Let's start with a warning: I'm not one in general according to Gwyneth Paltrow. I do not vaporize my vagina or lay yoni jade eggs in it.
I have not consciously turned off my ex-husband, or consciously joined in for that matter.
And I never consulted a "shamanic energy medicine practitioner," or a "teacher of intimacy," or a "healer," or Beyoncé. Frankly, I have occasionally wondered if Gwyneth Paltrow is of this world.
But in one area of his life, at least Gwyneth Paltrow is my new idol.
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* Gwyneth Paltrow mans Brad Falchuk in star-studded ceremony
She may have some strange ideas about intimate hygiene, but she and her second husband Brad Falchuk are completely ambitious when it comes to their partnership.
In a recent interview with The Sunday Times, Paltrow revealed that she and Falchuk only live together four nights of the week.
In the other three nights, they retire to their separate houses, where each one rears two children.
I love that idea. It looks almost perfect.
It comes very close to my vision of the ideal marriage, which involves me living alone and allowing my husband's fortnightly visits, who will cook me, fix me a little, serve me sexually, massage my feet and then offer me goodbye, letting me sleep peacefully on my queen size bed, relieved by snoring or blanket-hogging or raised seats in the morning.
As a person who is married and currently single, I firmly believe that designer relationships are the way to go. It seems eminently clear that the traditional and heteronormative paradigm of marriage is woefully inadequate.
We know this because of high rates of divorce and infidelity, rates of domestic violence, financial inequality between men and women, and disproportionate hours spent by women in domestic and domestic activities.
We now understand that families are not necessarily mothers and fathers and 2.4 children. We accept single-parent families and same-sex couples and mixed families and long-distance relationships.
Consensual non-monogamy is becoming more popular and (slowly) less controversial, with couples embracing open relationships or polyamor agreements or non-ask-not-tell about infidelity.
"Whatever works" is becoming the norm, so it should be.
And if "everything that works" involves two homes and separate nights during the week, well, that sounds absolutely brilliant.
Of course, keeping two homes requires large sums of money, and this particular paradigm of marriage is of immense privilege.
Gwyneth Paltrow is exceptionally rich, as you probably learned from the jade eggs.
What's more, Paltrow and her husband have teenage children and do not share any children together. Living alone three nights a week would be very different if young children were involved.
When you wake up at night with a newborn crying, you do not want your baby's father to enjoy a quiet night alone. You want it there, in the room, where you can require it to take the bub now before you die of exhaustion.
Still, the options for a modern relationship are not just "living together" or "living apart." It is not a choice between two polarities.
It is about the freedom to project your own life and your own relationship within the limits of your economic and social reality.
We all follow many unspoken rules about relationships.
A man must be a good provider. You need a dedicated night date per month. You can not be friends with ex. Never leave a third party at your wedding. Put your kids first. Put your spouse first. Be emotionally faithful. Do not have sex with anyone else.
But there are an infinite number of ways to lead a relationship. There are no general rules for love that work for everyone.
If we want happiness and satisfaction, alone or with a partner, we need to project lives and relationships that work for us. We need to stop worrying about what other people think of our situations and do whatever it takes to make us feel comfortable and secure.
We need to follow Gwyneth's example in this particular area.