Hypothetically, Marie Kondo would be a great killer


The world is currently well folded and placed in front of the feet of Marie Kondo's marten.

The bestselling author of four books on organization, including The magic of making a living: the Japanese art of organizing and organizing the Beyoncé organization call is once again great news with its Netflix series Arranging Marie Kondo.

The inventor of the "KonMari Method", Marie Kondo basically made her fame and fortune, persuading people to throw away anything that does not bring them joy. She created a movement of aspirational minimalism, which I enjoy and endorsement from the whole heart. I love being clean, I love being clean, I love being ruthless with my stupid belongings. I think his cleansing crusade is admirable.

Marie Kondo brings me joy.

I also have a strong and surprisingly rational belief that she would be a very successful serial killer.

Hidden from Society

What do we really know about Marie Kondo?

Of course, she's a public figure, loved by her fans and the media. She is an extremely successful author and entrepreneur. She is wife and mother. Surely it would be difficult to balance this kind of role in society against his hidden agenda as a bloodthirsty murderer?

But also, on the other hand, is not this the perfect cloak? Much like a collection of neatly hidden baseball cards, or a basement deftly packed with memories, who else would have the ability to compartmentalize their various lifestyles more efficiently than Marie Kondo? As the world begins to see joy, disorderly delight and full of white skirts, we are distracted from the real possibility that it may be an impenitent killer of men.

She is a highly curated media guy – she admitted that she always wears white, because she is associated with cleanliness. "It's part of my brand," she said. The New Yorker. She very carefully created the person of Marie Kondo. But who is the real Marie Kondo? A killer?


Once we dig a little further, we discover that Marie Kondo is the public face of a relentlessly private individual.

Famous, Marie Kondo never let a journalist or media come into her house. Although he spent his whole career entering other people's homes. Is it privacy? Is she a secret collector, whose rats nest in old magazines and rotten pants that would destroy her brand?

Or is her house simply filled with the bodies of her murder victims?

Fold your husband's rotting corpse

The thing is, we would never know if Marie Kondo was a relentless and growing serial killer, who terrorized the city with her brutal crimes. She's very tidy.

I'm not saying that the KonMari Method was invented to discard the corpses, I'm just saying that this makes the expert practitioner extremely good at doing it.

The KonMari method involves separating your life into five distinct categories, including clothes, books, paper, Komono, and souvenirs. From the outside, it seems that there is no mention of "corpses", which you think would have its own category.

But in fact, "Komono" means essentially different, and unless you are actually one of the rarest and most abominable monsters in the world, you are unlikely to have enough bodies needing a disposition to be categorized as something other than "other ". .

One of Marie Kondo's core principles is to treat objects with sentimentality and respect – it is not about being brutal or indifferent. You let something go and thank you for the service. Sort of as I imagine a serial killer can be both grateful to his victim while still wanting to kill her. So perhaps the bodies of Marie Kondo's victims were categorized as souvenirs? Serial killers like to keep trophies.

But Marie Kondo will not have something rude like a pot of teeth or a series of mummified ears out there. Your memories will be beautifully labeled as drawings, or perhaps tasteful urns full of blood. You know, the Ikea showroom of murder rooms.

The ultimate goal of Marie Kondo

While shopping at the clothing store Anthropologie Kondo told The New Yorker that she does not wear pants because "for several years they stopped bringing joy."

This is good and great, the pants are prisons for the legs. Removing things that do not bring you joy is a good idea! That's why I said goodbye to that cruel bird that lived on my roof.

But this gives a surprising light on the long-term consequences of the KonMari Method, which for various reasons (some patriarchs, some practices) is directed and consumed mainly by women.

The whole system is about organizing your house, removing items from it that no longer bring you joy, or make you happy, or provide any more real function. It's about getting rid of that useless, ceremonial statue of a duck you've been strangely in love twenty years before, but who just stood there, gathering dust and a strange predatory aura. It is about looking around your beautiful home, suddenly full of light, and realizing that you got rid of all the negative, useless and unpleasant things that were weighing on you.

So if women are starting to get rid of useless things in their home that do not bring them more joy, they are certainly starting to put their husbands and boyfriends in their homes. They are beginning to realize that the thirty-seven-year-old husband, Jimothy, is like that useless duck statue.

You have to assume that women all over the world are realizing that men do not fit the prescribed notion of joy of KonMari. They are messy, bring stress and pain, are difficult to store.

Fold your terrible Barry and Bill in half, and pack your body in the attic! Bag your boyfriend uncompromisingly and put him on the sidewalk, to be graciously collected by the council. Thank you for your service.

Perhaps the long-term mission of the KonMari method is to kill all men – and maybe that was the goal of Marie Kondo, the secret killer, all the time?

Arranging Marie Kondo is currently streaming on Netflix!

Patrick Lenton is the entertainment editor for Junkee. He tweeted @patricklenton. He does not think Marie Kondo killed anyone, but he knows she would be AMAZING if she wanted to.


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