Ask Amy: My friend keeps criticizing my Facebook posts and brings them to others later | Relationships


Dear Amy: I'm over 60 and I've known Sue for over 40 years.

Over the years, Sue has made several negative comments about some of my Facebook posts. For example, once I posted that I was sick. She called me to ask why I would put such a thing on FB. Another one involved a joke she did not find funny.

Finally, I changed the privacy settings so she could not see my posts.

We also belong to a group of school alumni on Facebook. In recent months she has criticized some of my comments to others in that group.

None of those comments had anything to do with her. In one of them, I made friends with an ex-student friend who talked about his shyness by noting that my son is also shy. I did not provide other details. Sue called me to gossip about my son.

Sue refused to stop giving me a lecture, and I ended up telling her how irritated she was with her meddling and criticism.

I've never told Sue – or anyone else – what they should or should not post, and I've never received negative feedback from anyone.

I realize that Facebook is not private, but are there rules about critiquing other people's posts?

A friend less

Dear One Less: The rules governing Facebook are the same rules that govern all human intercourse: Understand that anything you say can and will be used against you in the public (or private) opinion court.

Imagine your group of FB alumni as if they were all at a cocktail party together. Would you sympathize with a friend about your shyness and mention your child's similar challenges to the group? You probably would.

In that context, would "Sue" punish you in front of others (or at all) regarding your benign choice to share? She probably would not.

Social media can facilitate kind and compassionate kindness – inspiring people to be courageous in sharing and supporting their responses. Social media also encourages people to be gossipy, unfriendly, and combative.

A wise person is as discreet and conscious in social media as in real life.

And then there's "Sue." She called you, did not leave you alone and now you're no longer "friend" – in real life or online.

If you choose to criticize it, do so privately.

Dear Amy: Mobile phones give us the ability to make phone calls from any room in the house.

Although we have three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a kitchen, an office and a dining room, my husband, without asking if I care, makes personal calls in my presence.

When he does this, I can not watch TV, make my own phone calls, whatever.

I'm not really interested in hearing one side of your phone calls (or both sides for that matter).

I asked him to make calls away from me. It's easier to pick up the phone in another room than to take the TV to another room.

Am I wrong not to enjoy it immensely? Is there anything I can say to convince you to make your calls in another room? Please inform.

I do not want to hear this

Dear No, I do not want Getting a call while in the presence of other people is one thing. (In doing so, it's polite to say, "Oh, this is Kevin at work; do you mind if I pick him up?") So you take the phone to a quiet place where you can focus on the call and not bother . others.

There is no justification for making a call in front of other people, certainly in a large house where there are many places to perch. That is. Only. Rude.

It is also difficult to focus on a telephone conversation where there are other noisy distractions. So why would her husband do it in front of the TV?

If your husband decides to make a call while you're in the TV room, first ask him, "Hey, honey, could you do this in the other room?" If he refused, you'd be justified in turning up the volume. the television so you could continue to listen.

Dear Amy: You gave an idea to share the family belongings after his death.

I've been through it and decided that things are just that – things. I will not let anyone greed, etc., ruin any relationship. Not worth it.

You never see a U-Haul following a hearse.


Dear Ann: Sensato.

[email protected]


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