New Babies & Toddlers book, exclusive extract


Sometimes the good feelings of father or mother are pushed into the background or completely flooded.

Everyone needs help to get through difficult days and difficult times. I, you, people who live in tribal societies of hunters, and all celebrities with professional photographers to help pretend that their lives are perfect.


Fatherhood is not always wonderful: the first few weeks will also be stressful and stressful. It is not the madness, the weakness or the inability to feel overwhelmed when a new baby arrives – in many ways, it is a perfectly sensible response.

Besides being fascinating – "Look at the dear hands of the starfish!" – Your baby will scream and poop and will not explain. This is probably your training ground in unconditional love and devotion, and sometimes it's a pain in the ass at best and utterly maddening and exhausting at worst. Difficult aspects can be balanced by the pride and joy of keeping your little one alive and well, and the thrill of meeting your baby.

In sensible cultures, new parents are not made to feel alone and can get much support and human contact as they go through it. Our "modern" way could be much more tribal.

To be honest, I can not understand why someone does not fall apart after the extreme stress of birth; lack of sleep; the realization that this is not for the weekend but for life; the painful parts of your body (at the same time you feel that your body is no longer yours); or precocious pain and concern about breastfeeding; the anxiety about whether you are doing ANYTHING right; and images on social media that look like another planet far from your life – how do you feel like an old worn sofa instead of a supermodel holding a stunt baby?

And that's all going well.

If you are also dealing with external relationship problems, a sick baby or relatives who do not help, anything can seem like a disaster. Parents at this stage can sometimes feel terribly lonely, especially single or single parents, and parents whose partners return to work leaving them – a mistake, certainly some mistake – in the CHARGE. And then there's the house that looks terrible the day after you get home from the hospital, and how you should eat fresh and healthy food when you can not even leave your PJs at 5:00 p.m. and I can not cope … and Shutting Up!

Such a scenario usually leaves partners and parents unsure how to be helpful and helpful.

All of this is not helped by the incredibly intense attention that newborn babies need – it feeds every two to four hours, changes diapers, comforts – while you're trying to get some sleep out of here and there.

Honestly, if you were not feeling a little insane at least once a day, there would be something wrong with you.

One of the contradictions I remember feeling during the newborn days was to wish for someone to show up and say, "There has been a terrible mistake, this is not your baby and we are going to take it away and take care of it. a more competent people, "while I knew that if anyone really tried to take my baby away from me, I would try to kill him with a fork. Or some thong. (I was not thinking very clearly)

It is not a failure to fight like a new parent. It's normal. Reach out for help. We all need to help each other to stumble, instead of pretending to be superparents who know everything. It is especially difficult if we do not have the help of the family or the support we need, and we are all isolated in our small apartments and houses, without realizing that there is an army of us that feels or felt the same.


• Know that the tiredness and stress of a new baby tend to improve over time.

• All new babies cry for hours. It is not caused by bad parents and this period will end.

• It is okay to be bored, impatient, or uncomfortable with aspects of parenthood as long as you do not take it to the baby.

• Talk to parents who have gone through it and get out the other side.

• Tell people how you are feeling.

• Learn yoga or another relaxation technique. Or massage the baby.

• Get outdoors as much as possible. A walk a day with the baby in the stroller will make you feel better. No matter what you look like. Put the sunnies on and repeat all the paparazzi.

• Move away when you can: perhaps for a movie theater that takes you to another world, even briefly.

• Understand that if you feel alone, there are thousands as you go through it, and thousands who have come out on the other side.

• If a friend came to you with your problems, what would you recommend to them? Why be harder than that on yourself?

• Avoid people who are critical and negative without help: you do not need them, even if they are related to you.

• Go to a group of mothers, fathers, or playgroups, even if your baby is too young to play.


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