In an extraordinary double-blow, a drunken married wife at first glance was rejected after proposing a married man and then frantically knocked on another husband with a humiliating search line.
The words "cheating" come to mind as you watch the car crash scenes unfold at the intoxicated Wednesday night dinner. But, like most things in life, it all boils down to interpretation.
Jessika does not see her advances relentlessly sloppy as cheating. She says it's just "trying on other husbands."
I shout something similar to the David Jones security guards who chase after me to my car when I leave the store without paying.
"I'm just trying on these sandals!" I scream when they attack me on the ground.
JAMES WEIR RECAPS: Married at first glance episode 19
We are also presented with a new slogan tonight.
The phrase "I'm not about that" is said 36 times by the wife of one of the men Jessika hits. I'm not sure what she "is not" exactly, but I get the feeling that she just learned the adage of a Wiz Khalifa song and she just can not stop repeating.
What does it mean not to be about something? Let's look at some examples.
Moms who act as if they were in a Zoot Review commercial and started all conversations with "Like a Mother"? We are not about that.
But driving your car about roundabouts instead of around they? We totally are about that. It's a baller movement.
Trying to seduce someone's husband when his wife is literally sitting next to him? This is complicated. And tonight, Tamara makes it clear that she's definitely not about that.
Jessika is super unhappy with her husband Mick and she is pulled back from him. She does not even want to kiss him.
"He kissed me with an egg on his face the other day," she shrugs. Ugh, what a princess, raising her nose in the egg's breath.
Meanwhile, producers are still trying to worry about Mel and Dino, but honestly we're not interested.
"While I was in bed last night I heard Melissa saying some rude things about me to her sister in a telephone conversation," he tells us.
Oh Melissa Hora amaadora. Everyone knows if you are going to complain about your partner, you have to do a complete security scan of the house – including checking cabinets and under the bed – to make sure they are not present. And if you still feel insecure, move to the car. The car is a fantastic place to secretly whore.
"She said that my votes were a joke and that she's carrying us like a couple," he laments. Again, we do not care about them, but the only thing Dino offered to this wedding is a stinking yoga mat and some meditation podcast recommendations.
He confronts Melissa and she does that thing you do when your partner breaks you into something, so you cry hysterically and yell, "You're attacking me!"
We still did not care about Mel and Dino until he revealed that he secretly recorded Mel's complaining conversation. Now we are a little more interested. A secret tape is something that makes us excited.
Dino does not understand what the problem is. He just taped her so he could touch her if she denied it.
It's really cool. We all wish we could do this with a partner when they give up on something they previously agreed to.
"Ok Google, roll the tape!", We shouted, and Google Home would play archived audio.
"What you did was sneaky! Calculating! I do not trust you! I feel bad, "Mel screams.
While we enjoyed Mel and Dino trying to be more interesting, we left the half-argument to cut our hair for tonight's dinner.
When we arrived, Martha is in the midst of telling all the girls that Nic rubbed Jessika's leg under the table and she is sincerely begging for Cyrell to throw another bowl of fruit on her head.
"He was friction her leg Friction. It's cunning, "she purrs.
Even though Jessika has told us that absolutely not happened, she sits next to Martha and lets her tell the fake story because she likes the attention.
"And then she acted like a rottweiler and destroyed my apartment. We are 30 years old, growing up, "Martha adds breathlessly on Cyrell." Yes, Martha Kalifatidis, you are 30. Please grow up.
This is where the deposit doors open and all new random intruders come in.
Jessika takes a look at the guy with the baddies – Dan, I think it is – and decides she's interested. Like, Ines-begging-Sam-to-eat-your-cupcake interested.
"It is a meal and not a snack!" Martha laughs at Jessika. This is a slightly important scene tonight and you should all remember that for later.
Dinner is served, which is basically a fancy way of saying that they sit at the dining table for each other carafe of wine. We're sitting next to Melissa and we have to hear her cry hysterically, ugh, I do not know, "have your privacy violated" or something silly like that.
"You're just an idiot and you're filming me!" She shouts at her husband. "You're literally lying!"
Everyone flocks around her and we decide it's the right time to ask if she's going to eat her bread. It requires Dino to play the tape.
"Yes! Throw the ribbons!" We shouted with a mouth full of carbohydrates.
But Dino refuses. What a disappointment.
Speaking of being recorded secretly, the experts are in the dungeon watching everything live on CCTV.
"You know, I think they're not working," notes John Aiken about Dino and Mel. He is very good at identifying subtle details like that.
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Martha and Jessika are on the other side of the table and are looking for trouble. "Do you like Dan?" Martha asks Jessika.
"No, I'm not interested, I'm interested. NicJessika whispers.
"I'm sexually attracted to Nic," she smiles at us.
Jessika's level of inebriation is increasing rapidly, so Martha decides to do what any best friend would do: she encourages Jessika to drag Nic away and hit him while her spouses are a few feet away.
"If you feel a vibe with Nic, I'm big on vibes," says Martha. And we understand. Everyone is big on different things. Some people are great at vibrations. Other people are great at not having their husbands stolen from behind.
"Are you happy with Cyrell?" Jessika insults Nic. "My relationship is not going very well at the moment. I just wanted to see how you're feeling because along the way I've developed some feelings towards you."
It's like "umm, sorry, you're hitting me" and she's like, "I'm not giving up on you!" And we are all like "lady, you are beating in him".
Nic rejects her. She is so drunk and the situation is so humiliating that she starts laughing.
"Look, I was definitely surprised by Nic's reaction," she garbles to us, barely erect. "I thought I'd get a different one. Yes, look at the end of the day we're all married here. But we all came here looking for love, and if it is not with our respective partners, I feel there is the option of experiencing other husbands. I want someone I can spend the rest of my life with, and honestly, if I have to hurt feelings along the way to achieve this, then be that, that's what I'll do. "
She returns to the table, flushed by public rejection. And, just minutes after saying she does not like Dan With The Veneers, she decides to beat him too.
She stumbles and slams beside him, trying to flirt.
"When you came in, I said," He's not a snack, he is one meal! "She splashes.
And this is a complete lie – perhaps the biggest in the series. Jessika did not say that, her mate Martha. It's a rubbish joke, but Jessika stole it anyway.
Now, Jessika did not just steal a husband. She also stole a joke. And that's the biggest crime of all.
"What happens from here?" Dan smiles back.
"I'll get your number," Jessika tries to purr, but sort of exits like a burp.
You are ruthless. She is desperate for attention and validation and she will not stop until she can.
Dan's wife, Tamara, looks at Jessika as if Bradley Cooper's wife looked at Lady Gaga when they had sex at that piano at the Oscars.
Tamara is outraged. "I'm not about that. I'm not about that," she repeats as she whips her hair around.
It's her not about Jessika hitting her husband? Or she's just not about Jessika in general? Or she is not about lack of reaction from husband? It does not specify, but it is safe to say that it is not about all of this.
He is super wanting I, "Jessika winks at us, even if this is factually incorrect.
She begins to unbutton the lace bodice so that the breasts are almost bursting. It's messy. And she wants to raise the stakes even more. She bends over and tells Dan he's hot. He awkwardly steps away and tries to finish. "Ugh, I'm already on my feet," he laughs.
This leads Jessika to abandon the most humiliating collection line she has ever suffered from this program.
Now, I do not know much about hetero guys, but I've gotten enough to say with confidence that most of them are not absolutely about that.
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